my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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