Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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