I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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