i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
