Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
