I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
