my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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