i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
