We won't sleep together?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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