dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
