Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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