apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
