I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
