sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
