i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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