You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
