When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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