I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
