Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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