We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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