Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
