Kiss
Puke
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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