I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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