It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
