I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
