I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
