Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
