goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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