Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
