My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
