You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
