dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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