I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
