You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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