omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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