using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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