yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
