What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
