wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
