I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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