You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
