Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
