Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
