Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
