Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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