I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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