I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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