Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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