hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
