my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
