Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
