Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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