I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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