so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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